Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Scum Village

If anyone had the distinct honour of witnessing Lil Wayne's late show performance, you are truly blessed. Alan Thicke's son Robin (nice name Mr. Seaver) 4 alarm blazed the spot and Weezy poured the gasolina. I need a late pass on this by the way, it was a couple of weeks ago.

Big news this week with the Nas Def Jam signing. Jigga and Nasty. Engagement announcement early February. Gay is the new black.

New Prime Minister Steph Harps hates abortions and Def Jam. He loves turkey dinners and Arian folka. He once made an illegal u-turn in Saskatchewan, he was fined $130. CAN WE REALLY TRUST SOMEONE LIKE THIS?? The answer is yes. As long as we have coat hangers we'll be fine.

Since the Patriots lost to a team whos quarterback played high school football in cowboy boots (there were rattlesnakes all over the place) I think i may have to stop watching NFL and move on to WNBA. At least i can jerk off to womens basketball...........wait.........Tom Brady or Lisa Leslie..........FUCK...........NFL it is.

Steelers win the Superbowl. Hines Ward comes out of the closet. Shaun Alexander finally admits he's Tiki and Ronde's real father. Big Ben shows coach his cock, Cowher smiles, just kidding he doesn't smile. Bettis is illiterate.

Kobe dropped 81 on the Raptors, Ovechkin scored on his back from behind his head, Mario retires, Artest for Peja on the horizon. 2006 great year for sports.
1) Gretzky comes out of retirement after his wife leaves him for Crosby. He wins the Hart, Art Ross, Stanley and the Conn Smythe. McSorley is happy
2) Ken Griffey Jr. wins the triple crown. Ken Griffey Sr. is happy. (2007)
3) Lance Armstrong tests positive for H.I.V., beats it, then wins the Grammy for best duet with lady-friend Sheryl and also wins the Kentucky Derby. We later find out he was on steroids.
4) Roy Jones Jr. collabs with Artest on a double rap album entilted Uppercuts from the Coup.
5) Tony Hawk does a 360
6) Will I Am does a Reebok commercial. I am what I am. Fergie does a Tampax commercial.
7) Bruce McNall is named head coach of the Raptors. He appoints John Candy's corpse as his assistant.
8) Andy Roddick and Andre Agassi do a sequel to Face Off. Face Off 2: Power Serve.
9) Ilya Kovalchuk marries Stephanie Tanner. Coulier gets drunk at the wedding and kicks the shit out of Heatly. Stamos goes home with Mary Kate. Ashley OD's.
10) Terrell Owens has a great season.

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